Story vs. Feelings by Angela Legh,Author & Self-Development Mentor

Like most people, when you find yourself suffering emotionally, you look for ways to ease the emotional pain. Unfortunately, too many people choose methods of escaping emotional distress that does not serve them or their families. Numbing yourself through any of the most common techniques (alcohol, drugs, eating) can become a prison of repetitive behavior, which only prolongs your exposure to the pain. You may benefit from an easy exercise for facing any feeling, whether painful or pleasant. A secret that no one taught you. The secret is that you free yourself from prolonged pain when you allow your feelings to flow. A key to emotional flow is to refrain from engaging your mind in the story of your circumstances. The Venn diagram at the top of this article reveals the overlap between your story about your circumstances and the feelings you experience. Your thoughts are electrical; your feelings are magnetic. When you focus on the story of your circumstances, you layer your story over your emotions, creating an electromagnetic charge that prolongs your exposure to what you are feeling. When you think such thoughts as “I don’t want to feel this way” or “It isn’t fair,” you are engaged in the story of your circumstances, and your feelings are prolonged. Thoughts and feelings are energetic processes in your body. The biochemistry of a feeling has been shown to last between 90 to 120 seconds. Yet you experience some of your most painful feelings for longer than that because your thoughts are focused on your circumstances. When you experience your feelings by simply observing or witnessing them, the energy flow is unhindered, and the feeling dissipates. To experience your feelings without engaging in the story, use focused awareness. Notice the feeling in your space—how does it feel? Sharp? Dull? Aching? Heavy? Just notice it . . . do not judge. Do not make up a story about it. Then acknowledge your feelings. You can say, “I am feeling (name the feeling).” Lastly, allow yourself to feel the feeling. This is about permitting yourself to feel the way you do. Notice that the feeling flows and soon dissipates. Be aware: that this is a journey, not a destination. You may notice that your feelings arise every time you think of the story of your circumstances. Repeat this exercise when you find yourself caught up in the story to allow the feeling to flow. The story you apply to your feelings is a matter of the perceptions and filters through which you view life. You inherited some of these perceptions and filters from your parents, teachers, religious leaders, friends, co-workers, and bosses. The pain you associate with your emotions results from the story you attach to them based on your perceptions. Your tendency to either resist or become entangled in your feelings because of the story you link is the source of much of the emotional pain you experience. Try it. When you experience a painful feeling, feel, acknowledge, and allow your emotions.